 | | |
| | |
|
Spaces home  Julie's SpacePhotosProfileFriendsMore |  Tools   |
Julie's SpaceA true man does not need to romance a different woman every night, a true man romances the same woman for the rest of their lives.
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
November 14 My Kids...My LifeWell to say the least....we have been busy in the last couple of months. But Madie is here at last .....and life is somewhat back to normal as usual. Tamarra is so much in love with her little sister. There isn;t anything that she wouldn't do and I can see that. I was worrried that there would be a little bit of jealousy but so far Tamarra is handling being a big sister like I always thougth that she would. I,on the other hand, was somewhat worried. IT has been eight years since I had to do this the first time and so many things have changed.....including me. I am not scared to say that that I am scared. I am scared to screw up these 2 kids of mine. I want them to go through life confident and secure in who they are and how they were raised to be. I want them to be independant and love themselves as much as I do. I am especially scared for Tamarra because she has sen more and been through more with me than I would have liked. I wish I could have sheltered her from all that but the truth is that I have a lot of guilt that I just haven't let go of yet. And the reason that I keep it close to me is so that I won;t forget. I don;t wanna make the same mistakes again. And I am so thankful that Jay is here for her. She has let him become her father and her Dad if only in the role that he plays in her life. He has become her second chance at getting to have that father-daughter relationship that she deserves to have with someone....if not her father. Jay realizes just how special she is and makes her realize it every chance that he gets....just because we feel that sometimes that she forgets. I know that she needs the reminder. So ya to say the least ....I am scared of every decision that I make with these kids. Its not like I can just walk away and forget them until it benefits me to be part of their lives again. If only for the moment. I do not wish this lifestyle on anyone. I do not for the life of me understand this type of thinking....I wish that for a second that I could be this selfish. If only to try to understand and justify....or find a way to justify such behavior. But life has a way of getting back at such behavior and all the rest of us has to do is wait. I know that people are the way that they are for a reason and things happen for a reason. And I know beyond anything else.....my kids won;t have any doubts that I Loved them and would move heaven and earth to show it to them. They will know the laughter of a happy family and the tears of lessons well learned. And most of all I hope that they can look at themselves in the morning and not have to look past themselves to get through the day.... August 02 Well here we are.....Just 39 days to go....and then the baby will be here. Finally we will get to hold the little one in our arms and know that it isn;t going to be kicking the heck out of me anymore. LOL We ordered the crib a few days ago and already it is here! I can't wait to get it and set it up! Its gonna be so sweet to get that all done! Jason will have "fun" putting that together. I will be sure to take a lot of pics cause I just know that Tamarra will be behind him all the way like she always is. LMAO And soon we will get to know for sure what sex it is. I have been wanting to know all this time but it is Jay's first and he wasn't sure if he wanted the surprise or not. After all just getting pregnant was enough of a surprise cause that wasn't even suppose to happen. He thought or was led to believe that he couldn't have children. What a shock to the system that was when we found out that he could...especially since I was on the pill and hadn;t ever missed one! What happened?? Antibiotics.....they can weaken the strength of the pill....and if you are not told to "double up" on protection...then little surprises can happen. And what a surprise that was... But it is my belief that everything happens for a reason....even if we are surprised by it every once in a while. I don't and won't say that that i regret having and getting to know this child inside of me. And I can honestly say that i know that I have more of a bond with it that anyone else can. I feel things that noone else can know when it comes to this child and only a Mother can know what I am truely talking about. I know that in the last 8 months I have been scared to death twice by bleeding. I know that anything can happed that can change everything. And I know that I have done everything in my power to keep this child safe from harm. AND i know that this child is healthy and deffinatley 'kick happy'. What I can't wait to find out is if it is a boy or a girl. But as long as it is healthy....thats all i really care. I really do thank God for the little surprise that he has given us. The love that we feel really is a gift in itself.. July 27 ADHD: What’s Your Good Side?........an article that I came across and thought that was interesting.People who see ADD or ADHD in a negative light are really missing the boat. Maybe you have ADD or ADHD and are one of them. Stop that right now! Focusing on what’s good about attention deficit will make you see that it’s actually a benefit, and may just help you to make your life better.
For instance, people with ADHD are thought to be “impulsive.” Hmm… Is that just the negative side of “decisive”? I mean, could you be a person who’s great to have around in time of trouble and when somebody has to make quick decisions? Some people take forever to choose which side of the coin is the one that should be turned up, and often, deals are lost, disasters are made worse, and while people are waiting for a decision t be made, everyone else is just running around not knowing what to do. The lack of decisiveness in those instances is a very bad thing. So, could it be that ADHD impulsivity is really a good quality? You betcha. The whole thing is not that you make decisions fast. It’s the things you make decisions about. Decide whether something is so important that it needs to be decided on the spot or whether it needs a bit more deliberation. Like, you can’t really afford that new Lexus. Should you wait at least 24 hrs. before you buy it? Yes. If you learn to do that, you’ll be formidable. Then, there’s the quality of “distractibility.” You notice everything around you, all the time. Is that really a bad thing? I mean, you’d make a great surveillance expert, a good detective, or maybe a great systems manager. And just imagine how much more secure we’d all be in the U. S. if Homeland Security hired nothing but people with ADHD. Noticing changes in the environment is a good thing, so distractibility takes on a whole new meaning when you think of it that way, right? Hyperactivity can be good, too. You’re full of life and energy, and can really get a project done fast when you turn on the ADHD “hyperfocus” jets. Imagine that you have this deadline and your job is on the line. You’ll sure see hyperfocus as a great thing when you meet the deadline and save your job, right? The only drawback to this is that you may tend to ignore your own well-being. Remember to work, eat, and rest, too. You aren’t very much fun to be around when you’re cranky, anyway. Yet, you are a likable person, no doubt. You’re so creative that you’re always coming up with interesting ideas and things to do. So many non-ADHD people have boring jobs and boring lives. They just forget how to have a good time. Not you! You probably have a kick-butt sense of humor and really make the party come to life. However, use your ability to detect small changes when it comes to relationships, too. Generally, non-ADHD people don’t quite understand attention deficit and may have been put off by something you said or did, when you never meant to hurt their feelings at all. Iron out miscommunications quickly and you’ll rock. Don’t let what people “label” you put you down. You’re awesome! When you start to throw off the negatives and see yourself in a positive light, you’ll be a much happier person and your life will be happier, too. July 17 What My Child Would like Her Teachers To Know About ADHDWhat my child would like his teachers to know about ADHD
1. I really do forget things, I'm not trying to be smart, sassy or arrogant. I simply donot always remember. The myth that if it is important enough I will remember is just that, a myth.
2. I am not stupid.
3. I really do complete my homework. It is easy for me to lose papers, leave them at home and otherwise not be able to find my homework at the proper time. Completing homework in a notebook is much easier for me as it will not get lost as easily. Loose papers are difficult for me to keep track of.
4. If I ask the same questions over or ask many questions, it is not out of arrogance. I am trying hard to understand, comprehend and remembr what you have said. Please be patient and help me.
5. I want to do good. I have struggled with schoolwork for many years and it is frustrating to me. My goal is to do my best and pass this class with flying colors.
6. ADD is not an excuse. ADD really does exist and it does affect my thinking process. I would like to be "normal" and be able to remember and process information quickly, I do not enjoy being "different" and made fun of for my differences.
7. I need your help to succeed. It isn't always easy for me to ask for help and sometimes asking makes me feel stupid. Pleae be patient with my attempts and offer your help.
8. Please be sure to talk with me in private about behaviors or actions that may not be appropriate. Please do not humiliate me, insult me, or call attention to my weaknesses in front of the class.
9. I do better with a detailed plan and knowing what you expect. If you should change plans in the middle to adapt to some outside influence, please help me to adapt. I tmay take me longer to adjust to the changes. Structure and guidance are my best allies.
10. I don't like having "special accommodations." Please do not draw attention to them and help me to succeed with the least amount of attention drawn to my ADD.
11. Learn about ADD/ADHD. Read information and find out all you can on how kids like me learn and what can make it easier for them.
12. Always remember that I am a person with feelings, needs and goals. These are as important to me as yours are to you.
July 13 My ADHD ChildMy ADHD Child a peom by Tracy Nicolaus June 19 Anyway....Anyway.... You can spend your whole life building something from nothing One storm can come and blow it all away Build it anyway You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way Dream it anyway Chorus: God is great, but sometimes life ain?t good And when I pray it doesn?t always turn out like I think it should But I do it anyway, I do it anyway This world?s gone crazy and it?s hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today Believe it anyway You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away Love ?em anyway Repeat Chorus You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they?ll forget you ever sang Sing it anyway, sing it anyway I sing, I dream, I love, anyway April 25 5 Months to go!!!!!!Well.......here it is .....for thos who didn't think so. Here is proof..... http://www.bolt.com/Jeawl/photo/rambo1jpg/3204191 http://www.bolt.com/Jeawl/photo/rambo2jpg/3204192 SO.....What do ya think it is? Boy or Girl? I personally want a boy but I do think that it is a girl. I dunno....call it mom's 6th sense. Really don;t matter to me as long as it is healthy.....and don;t have scales Lol April 19 Virgina Tech MemoryBLACK EYED PEAS LYRICS We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness ... We are the Hokies ... -- Nikki Giovanni, University Distinguished Professor, poet, activist April 04 "You can't buy a child's love."It takes way more then buying play station games and going to the mall to be a dad. Why do I feel so alone and so tired of trying to make a better life for me and my son when his father thinks that we are doing great. All I have to say is: Did you have to pick up and move and leave the life you've made? Did you have to just go and leave the cats that we loved together? Did you have to be scared that maybe I can't do this on my own? When our son's asks you for something, can you afford to buy it for him or do you have to say,” No Hun, I can't get that right now?” When you just need a break from it all can you just go and be by yourself? When you just feel like throwing in the towel, how long do you have before you have to jump back and say hey I have to be strong, I can't just let go for even a little bit? Well shit I could go on forever, but I won't. My point is, "You can't buy a child's love." Instead of doing that, step up and be a dad. Someone that helps out when things have to be bought. I have never asked for anything from my ex, only to get things for our son. Don't tell me you have no money when it is just you at home. I have done nothing but build a life for my son but you know at times that just don't seem like enough. I find myself frustrated a lot and overwhelmed a lot but he can't seem to see what I am going through. I really don't get it!! They say things in life happen for a reason, but do we actually know why they do? Sometimes life seems so dark you know, and the light seems so far away. Will it ever find me? God grant me the serenity April 03 Before I was a MomBefore I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations. Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night. Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom. Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy. Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom. March 29 "Let Go"....To 'let go' does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else. To 'let go' is not to cut myself off; it is the realization that I must not control another. To 'let go' is not to fix; but to be supportive. To 'let go' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes; but to allow others to effect their destinies. To 'let go' is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality. To 'let go' is not to regret the past; but to grow and live for the future. To 'let go' is to fear less and love more. My favorite quoteA true man does not need to romance a different woman every night, a true man romances the same woman for the rest of their lives.
No man is worth your tears and the one who is, won't make you cry
For Nate.....been thinking bout you a lot latelysunny days seem to hurt the most .
i wear the pain like a heavy coat i feel you everywhere i go see your smile, see your face i hear you laughing in the rain still can't beleive your gone it ain't fair you died to young like a story that had just begun the day you tore the pages all away god knows how i miss you all the hell that i've been through just know no one can take your place sometimes i wonder who you'd be today would you see the world would you chase your dreams settle down with a family wondering what would you name your baby somedays the sky's so blue feel like i can talk to you i know it might sound crazy it ain't fair you died to young like a story that had just begun the day you tore the pages all away god knows how i miss you all the hell that i've been through just know no one can takeyour place sometimes i wonder who you'ld be today today sunny days seem to hurt the most i wear the pain like a heavy coat the only thing that gives me hope is i know i'll see you again someday someday 
 March 27 Well its been awhile but.....I got newsYYYAAAAYYYYY!! Jason and I are going have a baby. I am going on 16 weeks along and we can't wait to see the baby. And Tamarra is so excited to have a brother and sister...she already has names picked out for a girl. Mellody seems to be the favorite with her LOL. As for boys names she really hasn't spoken onr way or the other. But she does assure me that if its a boy that she will be just as happy with a little brother....she just isn't changing diapers LMAO.
This was certainly a surprise. How does someone go from getting checked out for cervicle cancer to "congradulations...you are having a baby!"? Well without going to far into my family history...there was a vinigar treatment and a bioposy and some medication that made my birth control pill very weak. And without a nurse or doctor telling me to double up....well i am pretty sure that you can put the rest together for yourself ;) And Jay is so amazing. He is going to make a great Dad. And he has made a great Dad with Tamarra.....and she loves him so much. LOL I know that there are dads out there that have that scare as to wheather thay are going to make a great Dad. And although Jay don't know it yet....I can already see the Dad that he is. There isn't a thing that Tamarra can do to contain her excitement when she knows that Jay is on his way. LOL So I guess to sum this all up....i just wanna say how much that I love you Jay and can't wait to make you the most happiest man on earth by giving you the gift of a son or daughter. May 31 Okies what else can go wrong today.....WHAT A DAY??? MUST BE A FULL MOON COMING OR SOMETHING!
Everything seemed normal this morning.....woke up normal. Got Tamarra up for school and got her out the door. Thats when I forgot my keys an the other side of a locked door.....and didn't realize it. Took Tamarra to school and on my way back to get ready for work I say to myself, "Hey....where are my keys??" Then I realize what I did... Thank Gawd that I had my cell phone and could call the landlord. Only thing is he wasn't feeling well and wasn't moving to far so I had to wait outside till he came to open my door. That made me late for work of course. When I called to let them know what had happened they tell me that we are also short one cashier. So i'm totally stuck!! No keys, no cashier....and I'm gonna be late. I had to play the waiting game with the landlord and that is a game that I'm not great at at all. So I'm waiting and waiting and waiting to get inside. My cell phone starts ringing and its my Dad who is in Ft McMurray. He is all panicked cause somehow my cell phone called his. (I still have no idea how.....) Dad tells me that I should be having someone taking care of me cause of some messes that I've gotten myself into lately with people from my past. I'm like ya i know ty for the expensive lecture.....can we do this when its not long distance for me or you?? An hout later my landlord comes and I start to get ready for work in a hurry. Get into work and there is still no cashier......just frances and I. Its 11am .....thats when we open and there is nothing done cause Frances is only one person. I start right away getting the fries, the fish and so on ready and I can't get ahead cause it is just too busy. Then I look up and who do I see but Paul......one of the big guys. "Why oh why do you have to come "visit" now at dinner time when it is busy?? Why can't you bother someone else today??Anyone else today......", was all i could think. Poor frances is on cash and I'm running my kitchen and running the fry and fish station makinf sure orders are going down there and running back into the kitchen to make sandwiches and burgers there. And what is Paul doing???? Standing there watching me ansking me ?? about why I'm doing this and why I'm doing that.....I'm really beginning to get pissed cause I just don't have the time to induldge him and make him feel important wheinc is what it all comes down too. And to top it all off the phoe is ringing and ite driving me crazy!!! Finally I just look at him and say, "There are pre-cooks (Freis) that need to be cut and done up.....talk to me when its done." My thoughts, "PLEASE PLEASE FIRE ME SO I CAN JUST WALK NOW AND GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH!!!!" But what did he do (which totally flipped me out) but start doing the pre-cooks. So I either just got myself fired or just got some respect.....wasn't sure which. THEN our cashier shows up (we borrowed one from Riverview) and before Paul leaves he smiles and I said TY for your help. His reply shocked me....... "You had it all under control.......i just needed a little direction." He couldn't believe that I handled the kitchen so well. Bad luck and shock....I never want to go through so many emotions in one day like that again...... But it all ended on a good note.....gotta like that. Just hate to be Brian tomorrow....... May 26 My and Sin's adventures.....true story LMAOSo its another laundry night for me and I'm all to happy to go over to my friends to get it done....Thinking to myself its gonna be just another night to chill with some very exellent friends and talk about the usual....Work and work related things. I needed to get some laundry soap so off to the sore Sin and I went. Very normal so far....in and out I went. We were on our way back when we took a "detour". HEHEHE ;) I can be very convincing when I wanna be.....into the sex shop we go! Now i know for some people they would be saying," Okies whats the big deal....you went into a sex shop. So what?" But for a couple of girls from the hicks trust me its a big thing... We are getting out of the car when someone bomps the horn and I look at Sin and she Looks at me and we start giggling.....Yup caught already and we haven't even made it into the store. She is rather shy.....LOL We are looking around and I'm trying not to let everyone know that its my first time there... We start looking at vibrators and nice things ;). She askes me what this is for and what that is for and I'm trying so hard not to laugh. hehehehe Not that I'm really experiencced in this subject but I know enough to know or atleast make an educated guess. The sales person must have really been snickering at us cause she knew that it was our first time in there.....we should have just been wearing neon signs with blinking lights. AHAHAHAHA Anyways she comes over and asks us if she can help us and what if anything we were looking for. We are all chatty like girls are sometimes and the sales girl looks at me and says, "I know why you brought her in here...she's like a virgin. She's so cute!" ;) LOL I looked at Sin and said, "Come on Madonna lets keep looking." She turns around and sees this doll with a pic on it of a transvertite holding a penis. Well the look in her face was priceless. She looks at the sales girl (who I'm sure is in fits inside) and askes, "Is that a man or a woman?" Well I had to walk away cause I was gonna laugh my insides out. The sales girl says, "Its whatever you want it to be hunny!" LOL I was saying to the sales girl that I'm sure that she gets people like us in here all the time and she was saying that sometimes but mostly its a lot of regulars and dancers. I told her that I may put in an application and she was saying that you have to have a certain type of personality to work in the buisness that she was in. You can get a lot of "weird" people in there and you have to know how to handle them. Anyways we got our "toys" and maybe even a new job for me. LOL ;) When you go home Sin make sure you hide them well okies....ahahahahahahaha Funny thing happened today....and all this weekSo here I am trying to get use to the changes that I've made to myself. Kinda weird to be getting comments from people at work.....or customers from that matter.
Was in my kitchen at work doing up my orders that were comming back and singing and dancing to the radio which I guess I do a lot of apparently. Brian was in the fryer area and the cashier area and Steven was in the cashier area. The orders were comming from Steven to brian to me. And I would make them and send them up again. Was actually nice that I wasn't going to hurt the cashier. Kinda helps when you actually get the plates.....that way you knowwhat you are making ;) So so far this week...I've dyed my hair (Which looks "Faboulous" as Tamarra says), I've spilled oil on me from work (They said that I was well lubricated....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), then I spilled water on me from the hose while doing the dishes (so now I'm wet too.....ahahahahahaha) And then I cut my finger with a dull knife. Thank goodness its almost over. Maybe I should be A brunette next week. My first week as a blonde hasn't been so great task wise. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I took Tamarra to work to have supper for the first time since I started there. They thought that she was adorable (which she is ofcourse.....just like her mama i told them ahahahahaha). Tamarra seen my kitchen that I work and seemed really happy that she got to meet everyone that I worked with. She was telling Brian that she likes my hair this color cause its like hers. So now I guess I'm a copy cat. Oh well guess there are worst things to be in life. They werre saying that Tamarra looks just like me.....that she has my beautiful blue eyes. I guess this means now I got the whole package?? Blonde hair and blue eyes?? LOL And a daughter that looks just like me. How lucky am I....  I love my family so much and would do anything to protect her....give my life even if I had too. How many kids do you know that would leave a pic in the office so that i won't miss her too much in the daytime while I'm working and she is in school. meHHHMMMm the last couple of weeks I really haven't been feeling all that well. I dunno been thinking that maybe I should be making an appointment with my Doctor. Quicy stomache, headaches, tiredness, sore muscles, all in the last couple of weeks. This is just not normal for me.
Work has been going very well except for all the stealing that is going on there. I was asked if I had any ideas on who was stealing and I said that I did but wasn't giving any hints. I don't believe in confronting anyone without evidence. That would just be wrong , stupid and asking for trouble. Of course that didn't stop then from giving what they thought. And what he thought did make sense......just didn't know why he was telling me. But whatever... So I changed my hair color.....i'm now a blonde. They say that blondes have more fun....and I think that they are right  Everyone keeps telling me how cute I am and that I can do better. I know that they are right that I can do better. So why aint I? And supposingly I look 10 years younger....so lets see that would make me looking 18 years old. hehehehehe i can live with that .
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Invite as friend
